Revive Glaceau Vitamin Water, my new favorite beverage, (even surpassing my lasting fallback, Gatorade Ice Strawberry, and the dieting college student’s favorite gulp, Grape Propel Fitness Water) was introduced to me last night by my housemate who swears by it.

We were out with some friends enjoying a nice Italian dinner, complete with a bottle of wine, when I brought up the fact that by drinking that second glass of wine, I would inevitably wake up with a pounding headache, no matter how much water I would drink before falling asleep. I unfortunately learned this lesson the hard way while studying abroad last summer in Florence, Italy, where the bottles of wine cost a mere 2 Euros but a glass of Coke or a bottle of water depleted my wallet by at least twice that (and I won’t even mention the rip-off that was every mixed drink in the city). Unfortunately for me, last night my friends took it upon themselves to order wine before I arrived. Usually I would have no problem turning down a glass of wine, knowing my history with this classic beverage. However we were celebrating a little feat that one of my roommates had just completed (a 173 on her LSATs…insane), so I really had no choice.

Sure enough, this morning I woke up with a pounding headache, despite gulping about a gallon of water before falling asleep. I figured I would feel better as the morning wore on, but I was wrong; I felt worse. At lunchtime I knew what I had to do, so I sprinted from CDG to a shop down the street I knew would be carrying Vitamin Water, and grabbed Revive, the fruit punch-y drink that my housemate had told me would cure all of my ills. I’ll admit I had my doubts, especially after hearing all over the news and in articles and even in my marketing classes that the claims of the recently popular health waters were bogus. But at this point I was ready to try anything.

I will give the Vitamin Water marketers a lot of credit. While to someone who just passes by the bottles of water, they may look dull or even hokey in appearance (clear plastic bottles with brightly colored liquid, simple white labeling, and a colored strip on the top to point out which flavor it is), but if you read the description, you will be drawn in…not because they promise extravagant results like the loss of ten pounds instantly or the ability to run a marathon (although some of them do), but because the anecdotes are so clever that you want to try each flavor just to see if they do in fact work, even though the marketers make it quite obvious that the promises are more along the lines of a joke than reality. For example, here is the description on the label for Revive:

“if you woke up tired, you probably need more sleep. if you woke up drooling at your desk, you probably need a new job. if you woke up with a headache, on a ferris wheel at the idaho state fair, wearing a toga, you probably need answers. not to mention this product.
it’s got potassium and b vitamins to help you recover and feel refreshed – kinda like in those old irish springs soap commercials.
and if you’re like our boss, mike, and woke up married to an elvis impersonator, you probably need a lawyer.”

In the words of my house mate, that’s wicked clever. These people know who they’re targeting and they know exactly how to market them. The description is more of a story than a list of the product’s features, which makes people more apt to read it. Take note that nothing is capitalized, the words are slang, and some of the grammar doesn’t comply to MLA Handbook code. Apparently these features make the product “hip,” and while I hate buzz words like that, it’s true. This product is casual, even down to the language used to communicate. People drinking this product after a long night don’t want to read “corporate speak”…chances are they’ll be at work or in class reading what the Vitamin Water people have written on their labels in attempt to muster up the ability to listen to corporate speak.

Good job, Glaceau.

Next on my list of Vitamin Water to try: Formula 50 (backed by none other than 50 Cent himself

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